上一篇提到寫部落的第一個原因是為了自己, 因為需要心靈出口, 想藉由文字撫慰不乖的情緒, 而部落格成了一種發洩的工具. 其實, 第二個原因也還是為了自己... 為了自己的中文能力!
我是該感到慚愧! 身為一個台灣人, 我的中文造詣能力普通, 詞句用法一成不變, 知道的形容詞也非常貧乏單調, 更無法寫出有深度的文章, 一天到晚只會寫酷和讚...本人非常的不滿意! 在會話方面, 打屁聊天我沒問題, 但在寫作方面, 我要求比較高一點.
另外, 因為英文已成為我生活一部分很久了, 我的英文思緒早已佔領了中文的領域, 應該說, 是我自己給了英文放肆的權利！四年前又開始學法文, 所以, 三種語言在腦裡混亂的情況是可想而知的. 不過, 法文算是不久才竄起的新勢力, 所以影響還沒那麼深!
這幾年我體會到母語的重要性, 就好像有些人在當了父母後才體會到自己父母的重要性! 自從開了格後, 我天天都閱讀中文文章, 有感觸就留言, 覺得文章有趣或有啟發性就推文, 這已變成每天必做的事! 跟格友們的互動讓我心情開朗, 也訓練我文字應變能力, 算是有很大的幫助!
自從來到法國後, 臉書不太愛用(一陣子想用就用, 一陣子又什麼消息都沒有), 也沒有智慧型手機用APP或其它即時聊天功能來保持聯絡. 我只有在回台灣之前才會在臉書發訊息, 跟朋友告知要回台灣的時間.
剛開始寫格時, 文章就那幾篇, 也沒什麼朋友來看, 更沒有格友知道我的存在. 沒有網友很正常, 但朋友們好像都沒看... 我開始努力想維繫彼此的友誼, 我先分享自己的內心世界, 也說了希望朋友們能讓我知道最新近況, 我伸出主動的手, 卻感覺像熱臉貼冷屁股一樣自討沒趣! 心裡短暫浮起了放棄這兩個字!
" 我的朋友們已經忘了我了... " 我跟外星人說.
外星人聽到之後翻翻他的白眼, 隨後試著耐心的安慰我: "朋友沒看你的部落格不代表不關心你,不代表不是朋友了, 也許他們忙於工作或其他事. "
"我知道大家都忙, 就我最不忙啦! 沒工作賺錢, 所以才有一大堆時間可以寫有的沒的無聊話!"
"那不是我的意思... " 無辜又無助的表情馬上浮現在他臉上, 但他繼續說 : " 不過, 我可以了解那些不看部落格的人, 因為我也不看部落格. "
"你那什麼意思! 你的意思是說我的部落格不夠有趣讓你看嗎!? "
"不是啦... 我不是在說你的...我是說所有的部落格... " 想解釋也找不到正確的形容字眼. 即使他知道我在鬧情緒, 就算那樣, 他也願意繼續安撫我的壞脾氣 .
唉~ 當男人的悲哀 ! 為了愛的人, 躺著也中槍 !
我知道他說得有理, 因為同樣的話我也想過好多遍了 ; 我知道我在無理取鬧, 在故意扭曲他的言語, 但是我無法控制內心的哀愁 ! 雖然想放棄, 但還是繼續寫 ! 有一天, 有位miao格友來拜訪我的格, 也留言關心我, 當時她是我唯一在訪客欄看到的痞客ID ! 所以miao是我的痞客初戀也是我的中文老師 (miao的中文造詣很有深度, 有時深到我看不懂, 我的中文真是有待加強阿~) 哈哈~
miao, 雖然我們只有在文字上有交流, 但我還是很謝謝你當初找到我的格！
過了一陣子, 無意間看到格友陽小蝦寫的文章, 非常風趣又直接的寫作方式讓我從此變成忠實讀者 ! 小蝦也來我的格逛逛, 自從那時開始, 我的部落格慢慢增加了讀者, 讓我見識到推文的魔力 (之前我完全不知道推那個字有啥功用, 很瞎吧 !), 我也認識了許多不同的格友們 ! 因此, 我漸漸地走上了用文字及照片來探索世界的旅程 !
小蝦, 在那麼多人的部落格世界裡, 能跟你互動到也算是緣份~ 你的文章總是讓我會心一笑和深入我心, 所以, 要繼續寫作喔 ! 這樣喜歡你文筆的人(包括我)才可以等到你出書的一天啦 !
我只能說當初決定寫部落格的想法是對的, 雖然我對於把內心世界公開給大家閱讀還是有種不確定感, 不過, 這也是一種探險心態, 這是誰都無法知道結果的心路歷程! 我也不知道會在這寫多久, 不過, 我有著喜歡分享的本性, 所以, 我會盡量維持寫作的動力和繼續在這與大家分享我的畫作! 希望來讀我文章的有緣人能喜歡我中文功力不深的文章 (不喜歡也好, 不要咒罵就好了. 呵~), 也希望你能不吝嗇的與我分享你所知道的美好!
In my last article, I wrote about the first reason why I started to write a blog. As I mentioned before, I needed an outlet for my thoughts, and my blog is becoming a tool to express what’s on my mind. To be honest, the second reason was actually for me, as well. I was worried about my writing skills in Chinese! (That’s why I chose a Taiwanese web page instead of Blogger)
I realized that my Chinese is getting worse and worse ever since I moved here! Of course, you wouldn’t be able to know anything about that. Let me just say, it was much better than now, not that I was very good at it, either! I should be ashamed as a Taiwanese! Seriously, I forgot a lot of characters and adjectives, and I keep using the same pattern to write. It shows that the foundation of my Chinese isn’t that solid at all! I often write "cool" or "great" when I leave a comment in someone else’s blog, and it sucks! Don’t get me wrong, I get by just fine in daily life. I can talk shit and nonsense all the time, but I prefer to write with depth instead of nonsense and crap, if you know what I mean!
Moreover, I have been learning French for four years; therefore, you can imagine how messed up my head is with three different languages! Besides, I think in English when I write things down (I am used to it), sometimes, I would even translate from English to Chinese…it’s ridicules, I know, but it’s true. I am the one who let this happened. French is still new to my life, so it doesn’t affect me much in writing yet. (I suck at it, that’s why)
During these past few years, I realized how important my mother tongue is to me; it’s like some people realize how important their parents are to them when they are parents themselves. I read different blogs and articles in Chinese every day; I leave a comment when I have something to share, and I recommend articles that are interesting and enlightening to read. It has become a routine for me; it’s quite helpful since I have been reading a lot in Chinese, and the interactions with blog friends make me happy most of the time.
The third reason for writing a blog was for my friends, so you could get an idea of what’s on my mind and how my life is in France.
I know, I am not very good at keeping in touch anymore. I don’t really use Facebook and I don’t have a smartphone to contact friends with WhatsApp or something else that I don’t know about. When I posted a few articles at first, there weren’t many people who came to read them. It was normal that strangers knew nothing about my existence, but my friends knew it.
I thought to myself: “I decided to put more effort to reconnect with friends; I open up my heart first, and I asked how things are with them, but all I got was the silent treatment”. Honestly, I thought about giving up writing for a brief moment.
“My friends have forgotten me…” I said to Alien.
He rolled his eyes at me when he heard that, and then tried to comfort me with patience: “It doesn’t mean they don’t care if they didn’t read your blog, and it doesn’t mean they aren’t friends anymore. Maybe they are just busy for work or something else. ”
“Yeah, I know they are busy! I am not, because I don’t have a job, so I have plenty of time to write bullshit!”
“That’s not what I meant…” An innocent and helpless expression appeared on his face right away, but he continued: “Besides, I can understand people who don’t read blogs, because I don’t.”
What an ass!
“What do you mean by that? You are saying that my blog isn’t interesting enough for you to read?!”
“No… I didn’t say your blog, I meant, I don’t read blogs in general…” He wanted to explain more but couldn’t find the right words to say. He knew I was just being moody, and I twisted his words on purpose, although he knew that, he still tried to calm my temper down.
Well, it’s one of the miseries being a man. He has to take it all for the woman he loves.
I knew that he was being reasonable for me, and maybe he was right, because I thought about the same thing before he said it. I knew that I was being absurd, but I just couldn’t help to feel sad. However, I continued to write, even though I thought about giving up.
One day, a stranger came to visit my blog; she left a comment and asked about my health condition. She was the first stranger who has a Pixnet ID in my visitor column on the right side of the blog (That’s how I can pay a return visit to those who came to my blog). I was surprised but it was a good surprise. I found out that she has a profound knowledge of Chinese writing, and the books she read are often the books I don’t understand…Now, I called her my Chinese teacher sometimes. lol
After a few weeks, a title in another blog caught my eyes, her nickname is little shrimp, and her writing was funny and direct; immediately, I became one of her followers. She came to visit mine later, and she became my follower, too. I have to thank her because she recommended an article of mine, since then, I have more followers to read my blog. That's how I started to explore the world through words and images online. (It's the only way I can at the moment)
I have to say that it was a good decision to start a blog, although I am still unsure about opening up to strangers (They have been nice so far!). It’s a journey of exploration, and the result is unknown!
To be honest, I don’t know how long I will keep this blog, however, I love to share, and it’s my nature, too! Therefore, I will try my best to maintain my motivation in writing and drawing. It would be nice if you do the same, honestly, I am sick of your silent treatment, my dear friends.