提前告知
在各位閱讀文章前, 請務必記得: 文章裡的中英文部份並不是"完完全全"的中英對照喔~ 還有, 這裡不是英語教學網站. 謝謝~ :)

為什麼開始寫部落格? (這是個自問自答的問題!)

從第一天開格到今天為止已經有74天了! 首先我要先感謝來看我文章的朋友和網友們, 有你們的支持和關心, 真的讓我感到很開心和溫. 如果人氣數字是支持與關懷的標準, 那我必須說: 原來這世界上有這麼多在關心和支持我的人呢! (我知道那不是實際的數目, 所以我才用如果那兩個字囉! )

我在開部落格之前有稍微搜尋關於部落格的經營方式和什麼是人氣等等資訊... 不過, 我發現我沒辦法成為一位好的經營者! 因為我對於那些如何增進人氣流量跟如何宣傳部落格的方法都感到興致缺缺, 甚至有些是看都看不懂! 那麼刻意又煩人的事, 懶惰的我根本做不來!

其實, 我開始寫部落格的原因是為了自己寫的. 當時替自己的心理健康感到擔心, 因為我漸漸意識到腦袋空白的日子正慢慢吞噬我逐漸灰暗又空洞的靈魂, 如果再不做點改變, 我深怕就此陷入無底的痛苦深淵.

對我來說, 文字一直都是我心靈上的發洩和慰藉. 我從有記憶以來就開始寫日記, 直到來到法國居住後, 我愈來愈少記錄心情, 愈來愈少跟朋友聯朋友們大概都以為是距離遠和開始新生活的關係, 所以不聯絡是很正常的事; 大家各忙各的, 所以友誼淡去是無可避免的事... 其實根本就不是! 不是因為距離遠, 也不是因為生活忙, 而是心裡很難受! 我不知道要如何伸出手表現軟弱, 所以, 當我最需要朋友的時候, 我卻遺棄了朋友.

那不是一種選擇, 那是自然而然的自我防衛心態. 我不主動聯絡, 但我內心卻小聲的責怪著朋友們的不聞不問 (通常主動的人)! 我常跟外星人訴苦, 跟他說當我不主動聯絡時, 就沒有人會主動聯絡我了. 當我有負面想法時, 外星人也只能無奈的安慰我!

這幾年我有很多時間去思考友誼的意義, 在我寂寞難受時, 我也在心裡默默的丟掉了許多曾經所謂的朋友們. 就這樣, 年齡越來越大, 朋友愈來愈少, 寂寞也愈來愈難消化, 所以只好用電影和電視劇來忘卻內心的感受, 因為專注在別人的故事時我就不用為了自己毫無意義的人生感到愧疚.

幾年前, 我早已知道不能再那樣負面的虛度人生, 不過, 思緒就像鬼打牆般, 怎麼繞都繞不開, 也不知道要往那走, 所以, 只好站在原地. 那種日子持續了將近快三年, 雖然在那期間有出國旅遊過; 有回台灣解鄉愁過; 有籌備兩場婚禮過; 也成了人妻了; 愛情和幸福也持續延續著, 不過, 空虛和寂寞還是時常會在夜深人靜時擾亂心頭.

直到三個月前, 我下定決心, 不能再漠視我所擁有的, 也不能再對世界那麼漠不關心, 更不能失去珍貴的友誼, 所以, 這是我開始寫部落格的第一個原因!

 

 

延伸閱讀 - 用部落格探索世界 (下) Explore the world with blogs : part two

 

 

Why did I start to write a blog? (This is a self-asked question)

It has been 74 days since I wrote my first post!

I am thankful to those who came to read my blog. I am touched and appreciated that you are interested in what I wrote. If the numbers from my “blog hits” is a way to calculate how many people who support and care for me, then I must say - WOW! It’s quite a lot of people! (I know it’s not exactly how we count it, that’s why I used IF!)

In fact, I did some research about how to manage a blog and what blog’s popularity is before I start using it, but I found that I couldn’t keep up to all that jazz. They are ways and tricks you can do to increase readers and to make your blog popular. Well, they are too complicated for someone lazy like me!

To be honest, my first reason for writing this blog was actually for myself. A year ago, I started to worry about my mental health. I had a growing realisation that the blankness inside my head was slowly swallowing my soul, a soul that seems grey and hollow. I fear that I would thus sink into an endless abyss of unhappiness if I do not make some changes soon.

For me, the words are always an outlet and a comfort to my mind. I did write very often (I have been doing that ever since I can remember), but I stopped doing it after I moved to France to live. I wrote less and less, and I made less effort to contact with friends…

Maybe my friends thought that I moved far away from them and started a new life and all; therefore, it’s normal to lose touch with each other. Moreover, everyone is busy with their own lives, so it’s inevitable that the friendship grew apart… that’s just rubbish! For me, it wasn’t because of the distance or a busy life, it was because I was suffering inside! I didn’t know how to reach out for help and to show my weakness, so I abandoned my friends when I needed them the most.

It wasn’t a choice; it was a self-defense mentality. I didn’t take the initiative to contact, but I secretly blamed my friends’ indifferent attitude (I am often the one who takes initiative in many things). Usually I complain to Alien, saying that no one gives a shit or no one would think of me if I don’t call or write. He feels helpless, and he could only try to comfort me when I think negatively.

I have lots of time to cogitate on the meaning of friendship over the years, and I silently threw away some so-called friends in my mind when I suffer from loneliness. Just like that, the older I get, the less friends I have, and the sorrow is getting harder to swallow. Therefore, I use TV shows and movies to forget how I feel inside, because it is easier to focus on other people’s stories instead of changing my own, and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about my meaningless life!

Few years ago, I already noticed what negativity is doing to my mind and to my life; however, I knew it, but I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. It was as if my thoughts were stuck in the maze, and I had no idea where I should go, so I stood still. Those days last for about three years, although I went travelled; I went back to Taiwan to see family and friends; I planned two weddings; I became a wife of an Alien and love and happiness continue to last… Somehow, the loneliness and the emptiness keep popping up to say hi in the dead of night.

Anyway, that’s what happened in the past! Three months ago, I woke up one morning and said to myself: I can’t keep living like this anymore and I shouldn’t keep ignoring what I have at the moment! More importantly, I can’t lose my friends; therefore, that is one of the reasons why I started to write a blog!

 

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Little evil 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(12) 人氣()


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  • 悄悄話
  • 訪客
  • I'm glad you've got an outlet Elin!
    I hear what you are saying.. It takes a lot of courage to pick yourself up.. it's so easy to blame others, as you say. Your words are inspiring actually, because sometimes I feel pretty negative too, and just want to blame my circumstances. You've got me thinking about my bootstraps.. and how I should bend over and give 'em a tug!

    Thanks Elin!

    Leon
  • I want to say thanks to you, as well. I am really glad that we are still in touch after all these years. It's quite amazing actually when you think about how we met and how little time we had back then!

    I am glad that I've got you thinking about things in life, but you are doing it yourself, already! You did give them a tug, didn't you?! In all, time is the best teacher, right? ;)
    xxoo

    Little evil 於 2012/11/09 21:45 回覆

  • I'm also happy to read posts such as this one...
  • ... as the ones where I see a little more about your inner world makes me that much closer to you...

    Love, Cha
  • Thanks, Cha. What about your inner world? When can I really see them? ;)

    Little evil 於 2012/11/09 21:48 回覆

  • 瑰娜
  • Welcome to Pixnet! Writing is a talk to ourselves and sharing is a great kind of joy. You will love this magic space more and more. Please cheer up! :)
  • No worries, 玫娜. There are ups and downs in life, and those days were just a part of my life experiences. Thanks for your lovely encouragement. :) I appreciated it very much!

    I do love this magic space more and more! I find that the blog world is quite intriguing for someone who have never experienced before! I will certainly keep writing and to share my words with everyone whenever I can! ;)
    Hope to interact with you more in the future! :)

    Little evil 於 2012/11/10 02:45 回覆

  • 楊小蝦
  • 我寫中文可以留言嗎??XDDDDD

    部落格很好玩,它讓我看見真實的自己
    認識很多世界各地的好朋友,
    讓感覺更豐富,很開心在這裡認識妳!
  • 你很煩ㄟ! 那什麼問題! 故意三八的小蝦!

    對阿 部落格對我來說真是個新世界 像你說的 可以認識很多不同的朋友 我也很高興能在這認識你! 我在部落格探索世界下篇會提到你喔! 不過我還沒寫 只是一直想在腦子裡而已 先跟你預告一下 不要說我沒跟你說 嘻嘻~

    Little evil 於 2012/11/12 00:03 回覆

  • Isil
  • 所以說我也可以寫中文囉? 哈哈 擺明來亂的~

    我來痞客其實兩年多了 不過我一直沒有認真的看待這個地方
    直到半年前 灰色的心情意外的在這裡得到釋放
    我才開始比較認真的經營它 沒想到在這裡認識了很多朋友
    視野也開拓了許多 這裡真的挺有趣的
    不過我很贊成你說的寫部落格是為了自己
    因為這樣才不會有壓力^^
  • 沒錯 又一個故意三八的Isil~ 嘻嘻~

    對阿 為了自己寫的確是沒壓力 但寫出來沒人看的確會感到有點悲慘 @@! 我很高興你能來我的格喔~ :)

    Little evil 於 2012/11/13 00:05 回覆

  • yaya
  • 我沒想那麼多, 純粹是不寫下來什麼都忘光光啦!
    ^^有沒有亂到
  • 有! 你也是來亂的! 呵呵呵~

    沒問題啦 歡迎你隨時來亂! :)

    我是個很常想很多的人...天性? 我想是吧! 下一篇也許也是想很多的一篇喔! :p

    Little evil 於 2012/11/14 02:23 回覆

  • CleoHo
  • 寫blog可以訓練思考邏輯和組織能力
    從我開始想寫blog,到看了一篇文章這樣說之後,隔了10年我才開始寫

    不管為什麼而寫,真的都要好好經營
    不要讓關心妳的人失望
  • 10年? 好久喔~ 我是好幾年而已 以前對於公開自己寫的東西會有種恐慌感 尤其那麼多人說網路上怪咖很多 要小心 我是不喜歡麻煩的人 所以一直都沒寫 不過幾個月前想探探險 又沒錢出門探 所以用文字代替探吧

    寫了幾個月後 愈寫思緒愈清楚 真的可以訓練思考邏輯和組織能力耶! 所以 我想我會繼續寫下去的! :)

    謝謝你的留言喔!

    Little evil 於 2012/11/14 02:30 回覆

  • 欣悅
  • 嗯~美麗ㄉ想法都源自於自己內心一點心思
    開心分享Little evil 畫風獨特 筆尖尤其豐富
    ~^,^~
  • 謝謝你的讚美喔~ 感激不盡! 我會繼續加油的! :)

    Little evil 於 2012/11/14 21:47 回覆

  • 阿計
  • 我也只會寫中文...

    來亂滴....偶去看下集...XD
  • 繼續亂也可以 呵呵~ 不要口出惡言我都歡迎!:)

    你的文章都不能留言喔? 我也是蘇打綠的忠實聽眾 可惜我只能從YOUTUBE聽 下次回台灣要買他們的CD!

    Little evil 於 2012/11/20 20:20 回覆

  • 杜詩飲
  • 好的開始,是成功一半!^^
    恭喜妳跨出第一步~
  • 謝謝 :) 我會盡量跨多步點 呵呵~

    Little evil 於 2012/11/20 20:22 回覆

  • Barbie99
  • 我沒空就不發文了
    沒有必要為了人氣而勉強自己
    純屬個人感言~
  • 照我發文章的速度 我以為已經很明顯了呢 呵呵~
    我也是有空才寫 因為畫畫真的花我很多時間 寫兩個語言也需要至少一兩天時間... 所以我才說我沒辦法經營成為有人氣的格阿~ ;)

    Little evil 於 2012/12/18 01:13 回覆