大致來說,在法國的日子算過得不錯. 不過, 總覺得缺少了些什麼, 而我也清楚的知道那所缺少的是什麼.
從我剛搬來法國居住時就感覺到了, 隨著時間流逝, 那種缺乏感變得更嚴重, 而我卻無法改變, 因為那是無法避免的. 當初是我自己選擇跟我男人回法國, 我選擇離開我家人和熟悉的朋友們, 所以, 我是應該要接受自己做出的選擇, 對吧?!
在人的一生中, 我們有許多必須做或應該做的事. 但是, 我們真的可以全部做到嗎?
有些人能以果斷的態度面對現實繼而忽視自己內心的需求, 因為他們覺得想念著無法得到或已成為過往雲煙的往事是一件無意義的事情, 不過, 我必須說我不是那種人.
我很想念我的好朋友們. 我好想跟一群可以放鬆及盡情玩樂的朋友們一起出去玩, 或是跟一位好朋友好好的聊一聊真心話, 而不是幾個月內偶爾打一次電話. 因為當我掛完電話後, 總感到空虛.
我也很想念我的家人, 尤其是我媽. 雖然他們說話很大聲又常吵吵鬧鬧, 有時也令人難以忍受, 不過, 他們是我的家人, 而那是無法取代的!
有一陣子, 我試著去忽視想見舊朋友的渴望, 努力專注在如何結交新朋友方面, 告訴自己別那麼多愁善感, 緬懷過去. 但內心難免還是會感到空虛和寂寞, 因為, 問題不是在於沒有朋友, 而是有些朋友在我心中是無可取代的.
我非常珍惜著我和那些好朋友之間的情誼, 我也打算把我們珍貴的友誼一輩子延續下去, 我肯定他們也跟我想的一樣, 所以我才會這麼想念那些特別的朋友們. 因為能擁有如此認同感的友誼是非常難得可貴的.
我知道, 做人應該要滿足已經擁有的. 我已有一個會為我做任何事的老公, 但有一個很愛我的老公不代表著人生的一切,我還是需要好朋友的陪伴, 因為愛情和友誼是兩回事! 我曾經納悶為何他的愛不能填滿我內心的空虛感, 那讓我開始懷疑我們的感情, 也許我們不適合, 也許他並不是我的唯一. 然而, 因為我的遲疑態度, 那一段日子我們常爭吵, 讓我們兩都不太好過.
不過, 我們最終還是渡過了那段困難的時期. 當我理智恢復後, 我發現原來是我問錯了問題. 因為當你把對方想成是唯一的時候, 其實那種期許會帶給了對方很大的壓力, 這對任何人來說都是個難以扮演好的角色.
在你要求對方之前, 先問問自己: “我可以達到對方所要求的一切而不辜負對方的期許嗎?”. 我是絕對沒辦法做到的! 所以我從此不再要求他成為我所有的一切 (他是我唯一的愛, 但不是我的所有.), 在那之後, 我感到釋懷多了.
值得一提的是, 在那段困難時期, 我對他要求很多也期望太多, 但他總是努力著, 不放棄的試著讓我了解我們是適合的. 不管我們究竟是不是真的註定在一起, 我們也無法保證命運這種東西, 不過, 他的愛讓我深深感受到我們是註定在一起的.
在最後, 我想跟我的好朋友們說– 不管你和我距離有多遠, 你在我心中永遠都有一個位子. 請不要忘了, 雖然我不常跟你聯繫, 但我常想著你, 因為對我來說,你是無可取代的!
Life in France is good in general, but there is something missing, and I know what that is indeed.
I have been feeling this way ever since I came to live here, and it has gotten worse with time. It’s just the way it is. I chose to come here with my man, to leave my family and friends who I am familiar with. So, I guess that I ought to accept my own choice, isn’t it?!
Easier said than done!
There are many things in life that we ought to do or we must do. However, can we really do them all? Some people can overlook their desires in certain things, because they think it’s pointless to want something that they can’t have or could no longer have. I have to say that I am different from those people.
I miss my family and my good friends so dearly. I miss hanging out with a bunch of friends who I can relax and have fun with, and I certainly miss having a heartfelt conversation with a good friend, instead of talking on the phone once in few months, because there is always a feeling of emptiness right after the phone call.
I miss my family (Especially my mom), even though they are loud and we argue quite often, and they can be unbearable sometime, but it’s my family. You can’t replace any of them.
For a while, I did try to ignore the fact that I miss my old friends and tried to focus on making new friends here. But it didn’t make the emptiness and loneliness go away, because the problem is not lacking in friendship, it's because some friends just can’t be replaced. A good friendship is not easy to come by.
I cherished what I had with those dear friends of mine, and I intend to make our friendships last for a lifetime. I am sure that they think the same, that’s why I miss them so much.
I know. I should be happy with what I have already. I have a husband who would do anything for me, but having a husband who loves me deeply doesn’t stop me from wanting my good friends around, because it’s two different matters. I used to wonder why his love couldn’t fulfil such an emptiness, it made me question about our relationship. I thought that maybe we aren’t meant to be, and he is not the one for me. It was a difficult time for both of us. However, we got through the storm when I came to my senses.
I realized that I was asking the wrong questions. Because, putting someone in a position of being “the one” is just too heavy. It’s a lot of pressure to ask anybody to be “the one” for you. Ask yourself this: "Can I live up to all the expectations that my partner asked?" Well, I couldn’t do it. I stopped ask him to be everything for me (He is the one I love, but not my everything), and I felt better afterwards.
During our difficult days, I asked so much from him and yet he still tried to prove that we are right for each other. There is no guarantee that if we are meant to be, but he makes me feel that we are!
Finally, I just want to say this to my close friends - You will always have a place in my heart, no matter how far you are from me. Please remember that I am here thinking of you, even though I don’t write or call from time to time. I miss you, and you are irreplaceable.