有時候我的腦就像一隻永遠不休息的小蜜蜂, 不停的運轉直到身體負荷不了後還是不停的轉, 人生中有好幾個夜晚都是這樣度過的. 大半夜三四點了還像白天一樣清醒, 不管我再怎麼努力的數羊和數字都一樣無法入睡. 在黑暗裡, 我腦裡的小蜜蜂轉得更嚴重! 今晚就是其中的那種夜晚之一!
當思緒一湧上來, 怎麼擋也擋不住! 已經好久沒這樣, 想把自己內心的想法寫下來, 一字一句的試著找尋適當的言語來表達複雜又瑣碎的情緒. 但是因為太久沒寫了, 也沒有天天說中文的機會, 所以感到生疏, 感覺自己的中文表達能力愈變愈差. 畢竟大腦和肌肉是一樣的, 必須時時刻刻鍛鍊, 不然會變得鬆弛及退化呢!
老實說, 自從停止法文課後, 我就沒有再學新的東西了. 雖然在日常生活裡我和我那外星老公講法文也可以學到新的單字和訓練聽力, 但終究還是比不上當初去上課時所學的多. 而且我那健忘的外星人還是改不掉跟我說英文的習慣, 三五不時就給我來幾句英文, 有時還英法文混著講, 聽得我火氣忍不住又燒起來啦!
之前我們彼此所熟悉的語言是英文, 所以我了解這種事是需要時間來改善. 第一年我剛學法文時不說, 兩個人還繼續用英文溝通是常理, 因為我也沒辦法用法文聊天. 不過三年已經過了, 到現在他還是改不了!
我學法文學了一年之後, 那時我有好好的跟他說要開始試著跟我說法文. 雖說不知未來會在哪生活, 不過目前我們住法國, 所以語言不通會很痛苦, 如果有他叮嚀和幫助我的話, 我就可以更快的適應這邊的生活. 他當然很爽快的答應了, 而我從不質疑他那份真誠, 不過我想他的大腦實在很不合作, 即使他多麼的想要跟我說法文, 當他看到我的臉, 英文又不知不覺的從他嘴巴跑出來......
他很無奈, 我更無奈, 畢竟英文對我來說還是簡單許多. 他跟我講英文, 我也不知不覺的用英文回答, 所以到最後並沒有如我所願的天天練法文.
延伸閱讀 - 英文還是法文? (下)
Sometimes, my brain is like a never resting little bee, non-stopped working until my body is too weak to bear. There are many nights like that, staying wide awake in the middle of the night, doesn’t matter how hard I tried to count numbers and sheep; I still couldn’t fall asleep. In the dark, the busy working bee in my brain gets worse! Tonight is one of those nights.
It’s been a while since my thoughts gone wild, I think it’s because of this blog I am writing. I want to write down every thought in mind without missing a word, and finding the right way to express my trivial and complicated sentiments. However, I haven’t written anything down since two years ago, and I don’t have the opportunity to practice my English every day. Therefore, I feel less sharp, and sensing that my English expression ability has gone a lot worse. After all, our brain is like a muscle, we have to exercise it frequently; otherwise, it will become lazy and degenerate!
To be honest, I haven’t learned anything new since I have stopped going to French lesson. Although I tried to speak French with my alien husband in order to learn some vocabs and trained my aural comprehension, but it’s never as efficient as going to school to learn. The most annoying part is that he keeps forgetting to speak French to me! He often speaks in English, or he mixed both every now and then, and I just can’t control my temper when he does that. I know; we used to speak English to each other before I learnt French, and I understand that he needs time to adjust the change. It was reasonable for us to speak in English at the first year of my French lesson, because I couldn’t understand much. However, three years has passed; he still has difficulty in this.
I asked him to try to speak French to me after my first year of French lesson, even though it’s hard to say about the future, but we are living in France at the moment, with his help, I think it would help me to adapt faster. He said yes right away, and I never doubt his sincerity, but his brain is super uncooperative. I can tell that he really wants to help, but when he sees my face (An asian face)… English just came out without his awareness. He feels helpless, so do I, after all, speaking English is easier for me. I also respond in English when he speaks English! Therefore, I didn’t get to practice French everyday as I hoped for.
Next - English or French? Part two