已經兩個多禮拜了, 家裡多了一位又小又軟的肉團. 懷孕後期時, 我腦海裡一直想像和擔心自然產的陣痛, 壓根沒有想到剖腹這個可能性, 但因為外星人的頭大基因遺傳給他兒子, 而媽媽的骨盆又太窄, 所以醫生建議滿39週剖腹. 我內心掙扎不已也有點失望, 一直想自然產的我, 只好接受, 因為我沒有選擇.
剖腹當天我整個人昏昏沉沉的, 早上10點多半身麻醉直到晚上11點多時, 昏沉感才逐漸退去, 那時將寶貝抱在懷裡親餵的感覺......我只能用五句話來形容.
內心百感交集, 很難去釐清該用哪種形容詞, 只能說感覺很複雜, 而且當時的虛弱感也讓我無力去多想, 只能隨著心走. 對我來說, 懷孕的辛苦和剖腹後還在承受的痛苦很難受, 有時甚至會覺得自己快撐不下去了, 但只要看著他的小臉, 我只能說一切的苦痛都值得!
我很想多寫一點, 但現在要去努力當母豬和乳牛了! 我老媽千里迢迢來到法國幫我坐月子, 有媽媽煮飯給我吃的生活真的很幸福, 我非常珍惜!
It has been more than two weeks since my c-section. Most of you saw the photos through facebook or email without details. I was in a lot of pain and I wasn't in the mood to write. I feel better now, recovering slowly, very slowly... my belly still looks like I'm five months pregnant, I still have a bit of pain from time to time. I know this is normal, after all, I was cut open and it will take time to heal. To be honest, I prepared myself to give birth naturally during the pregnancy, but in the end, the baby's head was bigger than my pelvis (His father was a big baby and had a big head as well.), therefore, the doctor suggested to have an elective c-section.
I was a bit disappointed with the fact that my baby couldn't choose his own time to come out, but there was no other way. So that is that.
I had a spinal anaesthesia and I felt dazed and exhausted on the day of the surgery. The drug wore off in the very late evening, that's when I started to breastfeed. It was difficult to describe how I felt when he was in my arm. I still have trouble to put it in words. I can only tell you about my feelings with five sentences.
"He is really here in this world!"
"He is really in my arms!"
"I am a mom now!"
"I love him so much!"
"My dear baby, please be safe and healthy!"
It has been an uneasy journey ever since I got pregnant. Sometimes, I think I am losing my patience and I feel like I can't go on anymore, with all the suffering I am going through and on top of the nine months of uncomfortable pregnancy...this is such a price to pay to have a baby. However, when I look at my baby's little face, magically, I think it's all worth it! He is so tiny and the neck is so soft and thin (we are afraid to break it. lol), and he often shrinks like a meatball. He really is the greatest joy I have ever had.
I wish I could write more, but now I need to go feed my hungry baby and then feed myself.