哇～ 好久～～沒發文了! 越不寫就越不想寫... 這可真是個惡性循環啊! 不過, 為了持續寫下去, 即使靜不下心來還是得寫! 不想放棄就要好好堅持下去囉～ 所以我回來了!
在2003年的七月, 我踏出了人生第一次的國外旅程. 為了看看我好朋友們的故鄉, 也為了拜訪我的兒時玩伴兼鄰居 (我這位好朋友在八歲時移民到溫哥華, 到現在我們還是保持聯絡. 當她偶爾回台灣時, 我若剛好回去也能見得到面. 我們的感情已像家人一樣親了), 我第一次出國就飛了六千多公里的距離到達加拿大的BC省 (桃園機場到香港轉機再到溫哥華, 總共18個小時). 那時的我, 對任何事都感到新奇有趣, 也鮮少有畏懼 (現在還是一樣新奇有趣, 只是多了許多畏懼). 家人和朋友說是勇氣, 我個人認為是單純與傻勁. 這就是所謂的初生之犢不畏虎! 人要趁年輕時多嘗試和闖蕩, 也許會跌跤和犯錯, 但都是人生必經過程 (這是我個人觀感).
在2013年的六月, 我重新回到了當時充滿美好回憶的地方. 上個月在加拿大BC省待了快一個月, 而這趟旅程的確轉換了我的心境! 雖然我對人生方向還是抱著不確定心態, 也還是對未來感到茫然, 不過, 這次的重新拜訪讓我有機會跟好朋友們敘敘舊 (有些朋友已十年沒見了), 也認識了一些新朋友, 所有真摯熱切的談心與相處和所有的溫暖與感動使我認真思考了許多事情, 相對的也令我重新認識了自己!
回到法國後, 心中的感嘆與失落頓時氾濫...... 即使我知道旅途中所感受的一切已成回憶, 深知人生終究會逼我面對現實, 不過我還是期盼著能夠抓住那道一閃即逝的美好...... 也許"一閃即逝"這用法太過誇飾, 但也因為愉悅的時光總是顯得短暫, 好讓我依依不捨, 所以不想畫下句點! 我猜這也是正常的吧, 只要情況允許, 我們都想貪心地抓住與留住任何幸福和關愛, 不是嗎?
我無法在這一一解釋內心的波濤洶湧, 只能說, 在這世界上存在著許多讓我感激生命, 感受活著真好的種種事物, 而這次能再次見到我親愛的老朋友們, 能與他們再次分享與交流彼此靈魂深處鮮少人知曉的隱私和想法...... 那讓我感動不已也提醒了我活著的意義 (友誼對我來說很重要, 如果能跟我成為好朋友, 那份情誼我會放在心裡永久保存, 真誠以待)!
其實, 當我見到久未謀面的朋友時, 除了興奮喜悅之外, 心情還是有點複雜, 甚至會有點不安, 有著熟悉與不熟悉的情緒參雜一起. 內心納悶著: 過了這麼久, 他們對現在的我了解有多少? 而我對他們的了解又有多少? 不過, 對於這件事我似乎是過於擔憂了. 因為儘管我們十年沒見, 但歷久彌新的友誼讓彼此的認識又更加深了. 縱使一個月的時間來敘舊不能說足夠, 但我還是很高興有過那短短的一個月! (現在心裡納悶的是: 何時才能再見到我那些親愛的老朋友們哪～～? )
It has been a while since I last updated the blog. Some of you may know that I was in BC (Canada) for a month. It was indeed a wonderful and memorable experience, and I wish to remember it forever.
I had such a great time hanging out with my old friends (it truly sooth my soul), and I just didn't want it to end. It's reasonable, I guess. We all want to hold on to the happiness and love for as long as we can.
Before this trip, I didn't see some of them for ten years (Last time I went was in 2003). The feelings of familiar and unfamiliar were all mixed up together. There were excitement and great joy when I see them, but also I felt a bit confused and unsettled. I wondered how much I really know them now, and how much they know me... However, it turned out that I worried a bit too much in this matter. We talked like we were never apart! The friendships remain without aging and become even newer and stronger as time goes by (Now I wonder: When will I see my dear old friends again? ).
There was a lot of catching up to do, and I met many new people, too. All those interactions with old and new friends made me realized that I am no longer the same person as I once was. The thing is, I know that I've changed (Leukaemia and the life in France changed me slowly and unintentionally...). People change with time no matter what. Sadly, I realized that I am not as extroverted as I was. Now, I would feel uncomfortable when there is a group of new people around me (I don't show it on my face usually, I think...). I wouldn't know what to say and how to approach others. I find myself standing in the corner watching and listening most of the time. I don't mean that being quiet is a bad thing in a social event, but it's just a bit uninteresting, in my opinion.
Yes, I think I have become uninteresting. I wish I could be more outgoing like I was. However, I know that I was much younger. One of good things being young is that we have more energy and less fear. Maybe I talked a lot back then, but I could be just saying something meaningless and stupid. I don't remember much of what I said in the past, but I remember that I had more energy and less fear indeed. (I am not saying that I am old, I am just older.) Honestly, I am a bit worried about my unsocial behaviour. I don't really like it, but still, I am trying to accept how I am now. There are many things to overcome in life, I guess this is one of them.
Anyway, the trip was a blast! Not only I revisited BC and my dear friends, but also revisited my mind and soul. I appreciate some of you for being my good friends; for tolerating me as the way I am and love me as always (even though you might want to strangle me from time to time). I can't promise that I would be nice when we see each other again, but I can promise that I will love you for as long as I breathe.